If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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