i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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