Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
