kristin has been a bad kristin
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
