____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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