did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
