and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
