my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
