my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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