WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
