thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
