$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
