Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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