I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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