guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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