No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
