More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
