sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
