Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
