Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
