I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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