sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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