I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
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