found the other keg... it's in the tree
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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