I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
