____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
the raccoons are back...
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