the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
