if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
