Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
