if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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