I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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