I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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