The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
