You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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