Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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