The best revenge is premature balding
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Randomize
