ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
