So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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