I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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