this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Randomize
