The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
