I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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