hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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