i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
