So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
