My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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