Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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