I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's rum buckets o'clock
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
