Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Randomize
