omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
