he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
